Professor Maximus in… Planet of the Teenagers

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So, Professor Maximus and the crew of the Excelsior land on a mysterious planet where the technology is far in advance of our own. However, wandering through a terrifyingly hi-tech metropolis, all the adults he and the crew come across are a gaggle of weeping, babbling, shell-shocked, gibbering fools. Suddenly zoom-screech, a brutalist, cyberpunk jeep blazes up and Prof M and the gang are captured by a vicious, roaming band of teenage thugs!

From this it quickly emerges that this planet has a terrible systemic problem much like our own: it has been taken over by rowdy, disrespectful teenagers who completely control the vestigial population of adults!

The teenagers are deeply confused by the presence of Gail amongst the crew (as she is only 16), particularly when it emerges that contrary to initial assumptions the rest of the crew are not her slaves. They cannot understand why she does not simply intimidate them with her youth into obeying her. As it would so have happened, Gail was having quite a bad time shortly before the Excelsior landed on this planet, feeling that the rest of the crew didn’t respect her as much because of her age, so suddenly wow! Here there is an alternative system for her. She seems rather tempted by the life that these parentless thugs lead, as well as not a little bit thinking that the leader of the teenagers is really quite dishy. Shortly she is freed by the teenagers on the offer of joining them while her friends in the crew remain in bondage.

She seems rather happy as she joins the gang on their patrols round the area of the metropolis they control, randomly roughing-up adults who seem to be stepping out of line, and shaking them down for cash. Her and the leader even share a fleeting kiss, and a passionate if chaste embrace. However, when the next day it is decided that the adult members of the crew must be put to death, Gail objects in the strongest possible turns. Suddenly she seems in line for the “Razor Pit” (the teenagers’ preferred mode of execution) too. But then, she comes up with an ingenious idea: too introduce the teenagers to the gospels of our lord Jesus Christ, and to the Ten Commandments that tell us to honour thy father and thy mother. So, the teenagers quickly realize the errors of their ways, and at once release both the crew and all the adults on the planet.

Back on the Excelsior, pacing through the stars, the crew cease to tease Gail for her youth, as she has gotten them out of this mess and realise she is very mature for her age, unlike the little monsters on the planet of the teenagers pre-Christian revelation.

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